Dust in the Wind.

Walking away, my eyes filled with tears. Makes no sense, considering I was the one who pushed you away, huh? Well, the thing is, just because I did, doesn't mean I don't care; in fact, I feel the complete opposite... I care too much. I know... It sounds cheesy, but it's true. Maybe I'm over emotional, but someone asked me if you made me happy. The thought of it made me tear up. Why? Well, it's quite simple... Actually, no it's not... Although we barely know each other, I can't imagine not having you there to talk to. When we do talk, man... It's such a high. We're such similar people, and I think that's why it's so much fun to be around you... The phrase is: "Opposites attract..." For the longest time, I've convinced myself to think that we could be an exception... That we were different. I guess I'm just another one of those naive, little kids of the 21st century; however, I've finally come to the realization that we can't be. We just can't. We were never destined to be made for one another...
I hope you realize that none of this was done in anger. I'm not mad that you didn't pick me, or that you will never pick me. I'm doing this because I care too much. I want myself to become the best person I can possibly be; more importantly, I want you to grow into an amazing person. How can we possibly achieve this if we're together? Sure, you've taught me a lot about myself: like how I really am nice and caring; but, there are some things that you just can't teach me. I need to find who I am before I can dedicate myself to someone else. I don't want to have a half-ass relationship... I want to give someone my all. I wanted to give you my all. Well, those are just mere memories now... Dust in the wind.
So, if it's okay with you, I'm done being infatuated. I'm going to walk away... With tears in my eyes because you will forever hold a special place in my heart...

University of Chicago's Summer Program.

Today, in the mail, I received a letter from the University of Chicago. Lately, I've been getting a bunch of letters from different colleges; therefore, I thought it was just another one of those. But, this one was different; it was for the summer program offered there. So, I read the brochure and checked it out online. I realized soon enough that this is a great opportunity: to study alongside undergraduates at the University and earn college credits. Especially since I'll only be a junior next year, getting a head start is a great decision. I could choose from the various courses: such as, Biological Sciences, Psychology, and Physical Sciences. It's such a great opportunity... Unfortunately, the cost for one course totals up to be ~$3,500. Although they offer scholarships, it would only cover about half the tuition, which is a lot of money; don't get me wrong. It's just... Considering my family's financial situation for next year, we don't have much money to waste. My parent's are going to be putting two of my brothers through college next year; as well as still having two kids in high school. I probably won't end up going, even though it's a great chance to get a head start; but, oh well. I wish I could go.

It's him.

It's him, isn't it? I had it all figured out. I knew that he was the one on your mind. You don't have to tell me because it's quite obvious. If you're trying to keep it a secret, you're not doing a very good job of it; but, hey, maybe I'm just really observant. Although it kills me to see you want someone that isn't me... I'm glad that it's him of all people. He's a great person. I think you two would be great for each other. He is the one who puts a smile on your face. If he can do that, he should be the one holding a special place in your heart. Not me. 

It's not like you seek my approval, but I would be happy if you chose him over me. Why in the hell would I say such a thing? Because if you're not going to be with me, you sure as hell should be with someone who is a better person than I am, AKA him. Sure, that sounds arrogant and whatnot, but whatever. 

I'm sorry for making you feel bad, guilty, or whatever by saying those things. It was not my intention; I swear. I just needed a place to let things out... You just happened to be there too. Yes, I meant everything I said. I meant it how I said it, but I can't control the way you interpret it. I feel bad; I really do. Please know that.